Radical Acceptance
Special Topic Update from the Counseling Center
Radical acceptance is a distress tolerance skill. But it’s different from the more short-term based skills we’ve discussed so far, like distractions or self-soothing. This is a skill we use for bigger types of problems that cannot be solved quickly, or at all. It’s a skill we use for truly painful or challenging situations. Radical acceptance means complete and total openness to the facts of reality as they are. When we have a problem and it’s not going to go away easily, the best way to move forward is to work with it, rather than to throw a tantrum or get angry.
What does it mean to accept? Acceptance means to acknowledge or recognize facts and letting go of fighting reality. What does it mean to radically accept? Radical acceptance means all the way, with mind, body, and soul.
Radical acceptance is frequently described as very, very challenging because we are called to practice radical acceptance when we experience pain. Radical acceptance does not mean that we like the situation or approve of it. When we are able to accept reality as it is, we are better able to move forward. Embracing radical acceptance allows you to grow and transform, even under the most challenging circumstances.
But understanding what radical acceptance is doesn’t mean you know how to do it. Here are some skills that can help you practice radical acceptance:
Turning the Mind: Radical acceptance is not something you can do just once; you have to do it over and over again, practicing turning the mind towards acceptance. You have to keep coming to a fork in the road and choose the direction of acceptance.
Willingness: Willingness means allowing the world to be what it is, and no matter what it is, agreeing to participate in the world. Willingness means doing just what is needed in each situation, wholeheartedly, without dragging your feet.
Half Smile and Willing Hands: This is a way to practice radical acceptance with your body. Doing a half-smile and holding your hands in a willing-hands position (turning your unclenched hands outward, with thumbs out to your sides, palms up, and fingers relaxed) can make acceptance easier. Our face and our hands communicate with our brain and our body connects with our minds.